You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
