my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize