I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
