I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
