I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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