I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
His nipple licking is glorious
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