Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize