Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize