His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
