You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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