I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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