i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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