I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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