If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize