you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
