I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
