I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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