pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
