why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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