hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
