this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
