It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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