He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
