I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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