If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
