it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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