my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
