There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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