Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
false alarm. still invincible.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
