I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
