sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
