whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
