I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
