I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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