I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
