oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
