pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
