does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
