I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
