please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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