found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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