wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
