You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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