why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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