Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
