Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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