About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
