just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
