just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize