omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
