I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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