I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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