sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We don't watch enough power rangers
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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