I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
