Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
