I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
