you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
