Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
