Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
