dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize