no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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