he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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