I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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